Yesterday I had a not-so-fun experience in the Target parking lot. I was pulling in to return some shorts (that I wore in my apt. for 10 min. and realized promptly that they were too big! Yay!) and saw a spot in the aisle next to me that was open. So I pulled around, only to have this HUGE pick-up truck stop on my left in front of the open space, preventing me from turning left into the spot. I looked at him, kinda like “Are you going to move?” then realized he’d stopped…in the middle of the aisle…to speak to someone. Normally I might just let this go, but I was in a rush and I was annoyed that he’d blocked this open space. So I gave him a dirty look and drove off, in search of another spot.
As I was getting out of my car, I see his truck pulling up and I think “Surely he’s not going to speak to me.”
But of course he did.
He said something to the effect of me having an attitude, to which I said, “Well, you were blocking an empty space.” He replied, “No I wasn’t, fatass.” And drove off.
Wow. I don’t know why, but that just hurt. I could feel the tears prickling in my eyes as I entered the store and I was steeling myself against crying, but I really, really wanted to. I wanted to cry for the girl who weighed 275 lbs. who just wanted to get the motivation to finally start losing weight. And I wanted to cry for the 224 lb. girl I am, who still has a ways to go, but has come so far only to be called a “fatass” by some jerk.
Sticks and stones and all that…say what you will, but words do hurt.
Later that evening, after telling that story to a couple friends and the BF and them reassuring me that he’s clearly just an asshole, I realized that I still put too much weight on other people’s impression of me. I want to scream at them: “I’ve lost 51 lbs.! I completed a half marathon!” But some people just want to judge other people and call others hateful names, no matter the truth or lack thereof behind them.
As I left the gym last night, after finishing a 1-hour Body Pump class, followed by a 1-hour Kickboxing class, I thought to myself that this is what it’s all about. Turning negative energy into positive energy. Focusing on my accomplishments and my goals. Not letting the ugliness of some random dude get to me.
This morning I had coffee (or iced tea, rather) with Jen West, a truly inspiring woman. She’s lost almost 50 lbs. and documented her weight loss by posting pictures of herself each week in a bikini. So brave! Talking to her this morning gave me such hope for my own journey; she’s very realistic but also driven and determined to stick to her goals. She left me feeling encouraged and like we’d become fast friends.
These are the people I choose to surround myself with. The others, The Jerks, are just white noise.