Confession: I wore pants yesterday that were at least two sizes to big for me.
And I did it on purpose.
The truth is, sometimes it’s hard to remember how far you’ve come when you feel like you have setback after setback. When it feels like you’re moving in the right direction only to give in to temptation. When you lose the strength, or the willpower, or the determination that you once had, it’s easy to lose sight of how much you’ve accomplished.
Those pants were a reminder of where I used to be. At one point, 289 lbs. When this journey officially started, at 275, and I couldn’t run a mile, much less 3, without stopping to walk. When I ate whatever I wanted, how much I wanted, at all times of the day and night. It’s not that I wasn’t aware of what I was doing to my body. I just didn’t care. Or I numbed the ability to care with the food. With the inactivity.
Now. Now I’m awake. Now I’m conscious. Now I’ve opened my eyes and I see myself. I see my good moments, and my bad. I see my victories, and my struggles. I know I still have a long way to go, and I know I will have many ups and many downs along the way.
I know this week I ate too many Weight Watchers points. I know I over-indulged and I’m ready to attack this new week (I have to focus on one week at a time these days) with a new sense of focus and willpower.
I will get there. “There” isn’t even a specific place. “There” used to be 175. I used to want that number, for some reason. It seemed like the number I’d be comfortable with. The body I’d want to have. Now, to be under 200 lbs., that’s the only “there” I have in mind. At that time maybe I’ll reassess my goals and see where I want to be.
Right now I’m not where I want to be. I’m at least 52 lbs. from where I want to be. But I’ve lost that much weight before. And I will do it again. I will do it finally.
7/20/12
Starting weight: 252.4
Last weigh-in: 248.6
Today: 251
Change: +2.4
Total loss: -1.4
Today’s Love Note: You know how important it is to give of yourself to others. Sometimes you don’t always have the time you’d like to have to do so, but you try to give time to volunteer, or a shoulder to lean on or encouragement to those who need it. Try not to lose this; the people you want to help will end up helping you in more ways than you’ll realize.
