Being honest with others in one thing. Being honest with yourself, well, that seems to be even harder.
I’ve been reading a few other blogs lately and it seems I’m not the only “weight-loss blogger” out there who is having a hard time not just losing weight, but also struggling with the real purpose of it all. I put the term “weight-loss blogger” in quote marks because a lot of the problem for myself, and it seems for others, is that we feel we can’t call ourselves this if we’re not actually losing weight.
If I am honest with myself, I don’t think this blog is about losing weight at all. And I don’t think my journey is about that either. I think it’s more about finding a way to be comfortable with myself. And yes, for me, that means losing some weight because I’m not happy with myself at my present weight. But I don’t know if that means I will ever be one of those “success stories” that you see on the cover of People magazine. And if I’m honest, I’m OK with that.
The more and more I do to try and be an overall healthier person — and to me that means eating healthier and more consciously, exercising regularly, and learning to accept myself inside and out — the more I realize that the actual numbers, the actual concrete statistics about me, don’t really mean anything. I’m 5’7″. I weight approximately 250 (I haven’t been on the scale in a couple of weeks!). I wear a size 20-22. My feet are a size 10.
But what do those numbers mean? Do they reflect that I’ve stayed within my calorie limit for the past 7 days, with the exception of one day? Do they show the sweat after covering 3 miles Monday and this morning, plus spinning last night? Do they display the smile I have when I feel good in my clothes or confident walking down the hallway?
No. Those numbers don’t capture all that. They don’t show the whole picture. And, again, if I’m honest with myself, it’s that whole picture that I’m most concerned with.
Now, I won’t deny that it would feel great to strut my stuff in a body-conscious red dress, or to run a half-marathon faster. There are certain feelings that fitness and health produce, and I do want to continue to work toward those goals.
But they don’t define me.
Let me repeat that: The numbers, the weight, the pace of my runs — they don’t define me.
And they don’t define you. If you are taking care of yourself, and you feel good about yourself, then you are a success story. Period.
Striving to feel like a success story is what this journey is all about for me. But it’s my story — it’s my words and chapters that make up my book. It’s not for others to say how that book should be filled.